A line up of ghouls, freaks and fiends this week in honour of Halloween & Day of the dead but also because my life is a lil bit of a horror show at the moment and these monstrous creations are undoubtedly a reflection of this. And it would appear the more unwell I am, the more I draw. And the more trapped I am in my body, the more my imagination soars. This has been a definite positive in a world of negatives.
Doing these illustrations and being able to share them here allows me to reveal what this experience is like. And am very grateful to have not only a creative way to express my frustration, anger and sadness but also to have receptive eyes and ears I can show my work to. I know you don’t really have a choice in the matter but I do really appreciate it.
I have called this series Back to the drawing board because in this seemingly never ending game of snakes and ladders I have slid back down the board and also because drawing was my first love and I am now back doing it again. It has become a bit of a lifeline and has got me through my darkest moments.
To have a way to off load this ongoing nightmare is also very useful as in the real world people really don’t want to hear how bad it is. All anyone wants to hear is that you are getting better and that’s it. As I have discovered all too frequently ‘how are you’ is the question that is asked more than any other but it’s the one question people don’t really want to hear the answer to.
If I meet someone on the street and they ask me how I’m doing and I tell them how shit I feel they always seem to respond with ‘well you look fine’ . I don’t blame them or expect anything, they just don’t know what to say. And yet it makes you feel like you have to pretend everything is ok when it categorically isn’t which just makes it worse. And it’s not really their fault because this is an illness that doesn’t show on the outside which is both a blessing and a curse.
I would like to say that, contrary to maybe what these images and words imply I am actually doing ok, so fear ye not. I’m just indulging in a bit of art therapy to get me through this. And as I ain’t got a whole lot else going on currently and can’t take photos this is all I got. …so please bear with…