first world meltdowns – Ep 2 – The Mum who won’t Listen from babycakes romero on Vimeo.
If you missed Episode 1 here it is: https://vimeo.com/192182951
Lost in London – the ultimate movie one off.
Woody Harrelson in my home town, my capital city, my london
Last night between the hours of 2am and 3.40am Woody Harrelson pulled off a seemingly impossible feat of simultaneously shooting a feature film and beaming it live directly into cinemas as a single unbroken 100 minute take. Don’t believe it? He did it. I watched it last night and have the bags to prove it. People bang on about the elaborate single take tracking shots in films such as Goodfellahs and The Player but neither of them even hit 10 minutes in duration. This was 10 times the length, entirely shot by one camera by one cameraman and he negotiated 14 location changes, car rides, 300 odd extras and multiple interactions without fucking up once. So much could and probably should have gone wrong but it didn’t. An incredible achievement in itself by the cast and crew but what was even more of an achievement is that it was completely engaging and you managed to forget for huge chunks of it that you were actually watching something whilst it was being acted and recorded.
I was lucky enough to have got tickets and be in the audience at the Picturehouse cinema in the West End as it was the only cinema in Britain to show it. It was also beamed to 500 cinemas in America at the slightly more sociable hour of 6pm. Even though we had to stay up all night for it, it was well worth it and knowing it was happening in the immediate vicinity of where we were sat watching it made it even more exciting. Its also very funny, especially the scenes with Owen Wilson and also tense & emotional in all the right places.
Harrelson must have been slightly nuts to have done it, and he must have balls of steel…especially as it was the first film he had ever directed. He not only got away with it, he delivered an entertaining story (based on real life events that happened to him) and wasn’t just worth seeing for its technical gimmick. The movie wasn’t perfect and you had to adjust as maybe a different viewing experience but in my mind, did a way better job than Birdman at running a plot through continuous action. And that wasn’t live either.
Although a single take single camera movie had already been done (Victoria – German film) it had not been live streamed in the process. It is essentially a new form of art fusing elements of both cinema and the theatre to create….cinetre? thenema?? (ok, we can work on the name in due course) and it will be interesting to see if creates its own genre of movie or will it just exist as this random one off? Who knows..it was just great to be a part of the ride and be present for this new cinematic experience.
Hats off to you Mr Harrelson – spectacular job.
First World Meltdowns – Ep 1 – The Delivery
First World Meltdowns – Ep 1 – The Delivery from babycakes romero on Vimeo.
Link: https://vimeo.com/192182951
This is a short film taken from a pilot episode for a sitcom that I have developed and co-written with Matthew Steer who also stars as the main character Bill ‘can’t let it go, won’t let it go’ Bridle.
Let us know if you like it and feel free to share if you so desire…we are trying to get it off the ground (not literally obvs) so any action welcome…
First World Meltdowns – #4
First World Meltdowns – #3
First World Meltdowns – #2
First World Meltdowns – #1
Planet Internet: Rise of the Smombie!
(for those who need to know: it will take you 1min 33 sec to watch the vid, 2mins 45 seconds to read article, 30 seconds to skim, 2 seconds to share)
front story:
I saw a blind man exiting the London underground one day and as he got up the stairs a woman bumped straight into him because she was on her phone. She actually looked up for a second and tutted at him before carrying on. I watched and then saw him get hit by another person, also on their phone. They didn’t even bat an eyelid and marched on. I went up to him and asked him if he needed a hand across the road. As we walked I asked him if he’d noticed people bumping into him more and he said he had and I told him it was because they were all on their phones. Ah, is that what it is he said…when you have become more blind than the blind it might be time to take note.
back story:
I originally had the idea to make this film as part of a presentation that I was approached to give at a TED event in Havana after they saw my ‘death of conversation’ Ted talk. The organiser informed me they didn’t have wifi or smartphones yet in Cuba and very limited internet access although they were desperate for it, especially the younger generation. I thought it would be interesting to show them how it had affected our society in the most all-encompassing and unexpected of ways. To be able to highlight some of the negative aspects of constant internet access to people who hadn’t experienced it yet would be like going back in time to our own society and being able to prevent some of the detrimental effects such as social withdrawal, disconnection and addiction before they took hold.
I thought it would be an amazing opportunity to be able to possibly steer a society to use this incredible technology without it completely taking over their lives and minds. Sadly I never got to go due to budget issues but decided to make the film anyway rather than leave it on a mental shelf gathering dust. So I spent a week surreptitiously filming & playing chicken with these zombie phone walkers in the west end and found the level of digital engagement compared to reality based interaction quite staggering. I also rather enjoyed trying to walk into these people having got relatively fed up trying to avoid them on a day to day basis.
I know have been fairly (ok, heavily) vocal about the (mis)use of smartphones but for the record I am not anti-technology in any way, but I am very much pro-living and I feel it is really getting in the way.
I will leave you with this thought..when you are lying on your deathbed you will be reminiscing about the life you led, the people you met, the experiences you had..you will not remember even one of those millions of minutes you spent looking at a screen.
According to a U.K survey we check our phones 221 times a day or the equivalent of every 4.3 minutes so all I’m saying is maybe ask yourself on any of those 221 occasions on any given day..could I maybe skip this one and wait another 4.3 minutes?
Star Wars Premiere Special
Me and my camera at the Star Wars Premiere!
a very blurry photo of George Lucas but worth it for the reaction of the guy trying to get his attention. 
Carrie Fisher being interviewed in front of the crowd and her own gi-normous poster face.
Simon Pegg talking to JJ Abrahams before the movie. Looks like he’s still angry about the Phantom Menace.
Lucas at one end, JJ Abrahams at the other and about 30 odd years, 3 prequels and every star involved in-between them.
I was lucky enough to be invited (thank you Conor!) to the Star wars Force Awakens European Premiere at Leicester Square last night and I have to say I have never been to a spectacle quite like it. It was out of control insane. The superfans were going absolutely apeshit. It was like the Second Coming and in some ways it was. The cult of Star Wars has been building and building over the years and even the terrible prequels did nothing to reduce devotion and enthusiasm.
Lucas, JJ abrahams and every one of the stars of the movie were there and the stupidly excited crowd went suitably mental for them. In the auditorium it was also a star studded event. Every time you turned your head you saw another ‘A’ lister but they all were all acting like excited school kids. It would appear that Star Wars is clearly bigger than everyone else.
For what was essentially an industry affair, the atmosphere inside the Odeon was buoyant to say the least..at one point they cut to a live shot of nelson’s column which suddenly lit up like a light saber and the audience cheered like a Wembley stadium crowd. The roar doubled when the credits started. There was a young girl behind me screaming incessantly and her mum tried to calm her down and she exclaimed: “I can’t help it!” If the 7yr old version of myself had been there he would probably have been doing the same.
And there you have it. What’s that you say? What’s the film like? I’m afraid I can’t comment. The force has sealed my lips shut.
The Great, the shite and the plain f*?%$*!! weird
Saw just under 200 films in the year just gone. In cinema and at home. New releases and old classics. First timers and return viewing. I’m not quite sure why I started doing an end of year movie round up in September but there you go…
These are the ones that stood out, either for being great or for being so bad they are worthy of mention. Most films are average, not unenjoyable but nothing new…every now and again, something stands out from the formulaic conveyor belt reminding you why you loved film in the first place. The ones I have selected aren’t always perfect but rather a flawed masterpiece than a dull re-tread. Saw some new belters, some cult classics and recently had a film noir flurry hence the b&w blitz at the end…but man cannot live on quality alone..
Sometimes all you want to do is count the clichés and cringe at the crap dialogue and that is why bad films are sometimes as essential viewing as good’uns. The latter are there to make you think and the former are there for the opposite reason…my brain doesn’t always want to be in operation and there is no better bed fellow for thoughtless activity than a big chunk of Hollywood…but lets cover the good shit first…in order of viewing…
THE GREAT
Project nim – teach chimp to sign then make his life a misery. Depressing but brilliant doc by man on wire team.
Lourdes – fascinating look at the fakers and shakers in search of divine healing
Troll hunter – superb Scandinavian mockumentary bout big bastard monsters
Drive – cool as fuck thriller. Worthy of the attention.
Casino – initially felt like glitzy remake of Goodfellahs but bonafide classic in own right.
Neds – Peter Mullan mostly known for his acting continues to direct great films. This is no exception. Retro looking without the rose-tinted shades.
Batman – Gotham Knight: Beautifully animated collection of short stories. If you thought the dark knight rises was pants watch this instead.
The Swimmer – burt Lancaster swims through a lot of pools managing to look fit and expose a culture in the process
Nowhere Boy – great insight into the early life of lennon perfectly captured by aaron “kick ass” johnson.
Confessions – Asian cinema at its best. Killer thriller with a multi-perspective narrative.
Fantastic Mr. Fox – Spectacular stop motion modern classic from Wes Anderson. Every scene is a magnificent display of old school craftsmanship.
Hugo – 3d annoys the shit out of me. Scorcese did it good n proper, paradoxically using the latest digital technology to immortalise the origins of analogue cinema. Still want 3d to disappear tho…not in real life obviously…
Cell 211 – excellent Spanish prison riot drama. Keeps you on edge throughout.
Kill List – highly original and genuinely creepy brit horror.
Essential killing – Vincent Gallo’s vivid but almost entirely silent portrayal of a man on the run.
Margin Call – intelligent well-performed take on the banking crisis.
Archipelago – cringing ultra realistic portrayal of upper middle class existence.
Into The Abyss – Herzog came to our local cinema and gave a q&a – a man with great presence, inspiring insight and true intelligence – he’s a genius. End of.
Wall-E – think its fast becoming my favourite animation of all time.
Pina – beautifully visualised doc bout choreographer who devised spell binding dance routines.
Avengers Assemble – they nailed it. pure and simple. Am counting the days till the dvd release..yes, I am that sad.
Chocolate – autistic teen girl makes hit girl look like a girl scout as she kicks ass in truly imaginative fight sequences in this brilliant slice of asian action.
Ms 45 – abel ferrara’s 80s revenge flick as a beautiful mute goes on rampage against men folk.
Escape from New York – all time classic. Genius premise perfectly delivered.
Apocalpyto – Ain’t no fan of the Jew Hater but he actually made a very good film.
Prometheus – not everyone’s cup of tea but thoroughly enjoyed. Attempted something different rather than repetitive sequel.
The Set-Up – the original 50s film noir boxing flick that inspired all the others.
The Krays – 80s take on the 60s psycho twins. Has aged very well.
Vertigo – Just knocked Citizen Kane off critics top list and deservedly so. No-one does it better than Hitch.
The Raid – most exciting action flick in decades. Highly original. Spectacularly inventive. Shot in Indonesia by a Welshman!
Senna – stunningly compiled doc which makes you feel by the end like you know him personally, making the tragedy all the more impactful.
Shaolin Soccer – kung fu, football and a shed load of laughs – what’s not to like? See it then see kung fu hustle if you haven’t already…
Double Indemnity – the ultimate film noir by the ultimate director. Must see.
The 39 steps – Hitch’s 1st drop dead classic.
Notorious – ‘nother Hitch belter. Could that man do no wrong? Grant & Bergman smoulder every time they meet…
The Servant – incredible microcosmic look at the changing face of brit culture from the stiff class structured 50s to the swinging 60s. superb performances by all . utterly gripping single location set up.
Laura – killer whodunnit (bad pun intended). keeps you guessing throughout. pure class by Otto Preminger.
Lost Weekend – man goes on a boozy bender. Wilder makes it magnificent.
THE SHITE:
Drive angry – latter day cage crap. Why can’t I stop watching this man’s movies? My desire to revel in his excesses seems to know no bounds. Must seek therapy for deep rooted cageism.
Heartless – shit brit horror not made in any way cooler by its trendy east London setting
Horrible bosses – lame. Did not crack a smile once, not even for colin farrell’s comb over which is as ludicrous and about as tantilizing as anniston’s nympho. Bateman deserves better.
Lovely Bones – not lovely. Visions of heaven are bad cgi screensavers and what is it about Mark Wahlberg that makes me want to punch him in the face? More of a mystery than the plot…
Green Lantern – Ryan Reynolds sucks in worst superhero movie since the last one..
Taking of Pelham 123 (remake) – Travolta threatens to undo every classic he made with his recent output. God awful.
Brighton Rock (remake) – beyond pointless.
Death Race (remake) – ok, by this point you have to be asking, why watch all these pathetic remakes..what was I expecting? I guess I expected bad and I got worse…it’s the cinematic masochist in me..I just can’t stay away.
G.I Joe – Rise of the Cobra – They actually stole the entire plot of Team America which was a total piss take of these sort of movies. Clearly lost on the execs who green lit this piece of shit. Its so bad that for once a Wayans brother isn’t the worst thing in the movie.
Trespass – A true clanger with cage and kidman – extreme ott acting and true awfulness propel dire thriller into realms of so bad its compelling viewing. Want to see A listers on the slide? This is the film for you..
“Cover your ears, the reviews are in..”
Flightplan – def wins most non-sensical plot in history. Utterly ridiculous
MIB II – Felt like everyone turned up on day 1 of shooting and went..soooo..what shall we do today? Painfully bad.
Kinky boots – dire brit drama bout tranny boots factory. Would rather had have a stiletto heel repeatedly bashed into my skull than suffer watching this grim excuse for a film.
Tintin – Hollywood A list double act of spielberg & Jackson dish up dire shallow boring weird looking cgi nonsense. Would have been more interesting to stare at the binary code behind the pixels.
From Paris with Love – watch tubby old camp OTT Travolta provide close ups for his significantly lighter, leaner, younger stunt double. Fast approaching Cage as the go to guy for shock awful movies so dire you can’t help but want to watch the car crash of their careers.
“Stand back or I will kill you with my minature eifel tower gun…”
88 Minutes – about the time it must have taken to write the script – latter day pacino thrill-less thriller. He plays a forensic scientist but looks like a vegas magician which is distracting at best.
THE PLAIN FUCKING WEIRD
Hellzapoppin – crazy pythonesque 1940s screwball comedy with greatest dance scene ever. http://youtu.be/ahoJReiCaPk
Martyrs – off the scale disturbing but brilliant and occasionally beautiful torture horror with purpose.
El Topo – beyond mental 70s exploitation horror mind fuck western. See it to believe it.
Disclaimer: babycakes romero is not responsible for your viewing pleasure. If you find yourself in the middle of a film going..why in fuck’s earth did he recommend this piece of shit..please feel free to write a letter of complaint to bcr@babycakesromero.com.
and if you want to see last year’s round up, here you go…
https://babycakesromero.com/2011/09/
happy viewing!
I hate obvious movie titles! or Death by Content
Your 38 seconds starts now…
Friends with kids, Seeking a friend at the end of the world, What to do when you’re expecting, the five year engagement, Salmon fishing in the zzzzzzz…there has been a recent slew of these painfully obvious titles and the trend seems to be getting worse.
Have you seen that new film Man on a ledge?
No, what’s it about?
Have we really become so thick we need to be smacked around the face with the written equivalent of a very large blunt instrument?
I understand the marketing logic…if you can describe your film in the title you’ve got a better chance of drawing them in. If you could corner a Hollywood marketing executive and force them to justify these “does what it says on the tin” titles they would simply reply with three words: The Shawshank Redemption.
It is now regarded as one of the all time greats but was virtually ignored on its release purely because of the title. From that moment forth out went subtlety and in came the heavy handed approach. However, I think it might have actually been Snakes On a Plane which is responsible for creating the current trend of descriptive movie titles. But the S.O.A.P title was meant to be a joke. A reference to classic b movie titles like “ I married a monster” and “The Creature from the black lagoon”. It wasn’t meant to be a template for all future films.
The same has happened with Tv programmes…my daughter the teenage nudist, the undateables, what I had for breakfast etc etc. The tv execs claimed it was the digital listings that made them turn titles into mini synopsis. If you can’t hook ‘em in immediately they will most definitely click onto something that does.
Nothing is left to chance anymore. No room for any mental activity. Dumb down everything to the lowest common brain cell. But are we all getting increasingly stupid or are they just treating us as if there’s been a mass devolution of the mind? Why was it ok to have non-descriptive titles in the past and not now?
It would appear that technology might be making idiots of us all. Calculators killed people’s need and ability to perform basic arithmetic. Spellcheck quickly rendered our spelling skills obsolete . Sat Nav is rapidly shrinking the part of the brain that can direct us. The more we let machines do things for us the less capable we are of doing them ourselves. We used to be able to navigate by the stars..now we have an app to do it for us. How often do you see smartphone users wandering around like defective robots, standing on street corners, rotating on the spot and bumping into walls as they stare down to find the way rather than look up.
The other reason everything got slap in your face obvious is that there are so many more things competing for your attention than there used to be. The internet is a big, bad, busy place and we are all being bombarded with so much stuff its difficult to know where to turn. In a world of incessant traffic you can’t afford to be subtle. You will just get lost in the barrage of entertainment on offer. From news to pop vids to movies to utube clips to progs to docs to blogs (yes, I am fully aware I am part of the problem), the amount of stuff being hurled our way with is overwhelming. I call it Death by Content and at times I feel like I am truly drowning in it. And who’s actually got the time to look at all this screen based content that just keeps on coming in a never ending swirl of digital drool?
In some ways these descriptive titles do help you filter through the quagmire quicker but if everything is reduced to neat little catchy soundbites, surely it levels the playing field and we are back to square one?
One solution being adopted by many, including myself, is to simultaneously consume as much as possible in an effort to get through it quicker. Read one thing whilst looking at another whilst listening to something else. But as anyone who has tried to have a conversation with a texter will confirm, people’s ability to multi-task has been greatly exaggerated. You can do multiple things at once but you will do them all slightly worse than if you had done them separately. You will also do them slower so you’re not really even saving any time…you’re just giving less attention to everything.
Due to the insane volume of material being spat at us daily, we are all just trying to get through it as quickly as possible, but is anything actually going in or being remembered? If you ask someone these days if they read/saw something they will invariably tell you “I skimmed it..I started it, I got the gist”.
We have all adopted a policy of zig zag reading, picking up just enough info to move on but its not like we’re ever going to get through it all so why attempt an impossible task in the first place?
I should probably actually stop writing as undoubtedly most of you have already moved on..looking at the analytics for my website I can see that 92% of all viewers look at it for 0-38 seconds which has most definitely passed. The 8% of you possibly still with me might agree 38 seconds isn’t really long enough to consume anything.
At first it was a little demoralising to know the bulk of my viewers weren’t staying long enough to register anything. And then I found it kind of liberating. You really don’t have to fret bout what you are saying as there is a very high chance no-one is reading it anyway. I have recently joined the world of twitter and never has so much been simultanously presented and ignored in the history of communication. Its like being in a room full of coke heads..everyone’s talking but no-one’s listening.
One of the reasons we don’t have time to absorb anyone else’s output is that we are possibly all far too busy with our own..we are inundated with content but our gaze is invariably inward, checking our stats, monitoring our mentions, loving our likes..digital platforms have made us stars of our own shows…it can become compelling, addictive, all-consuming but we must remember to go beyond the confines of our own mini digital universes, to use the phenomenal resource that is the world wide web to expand our knowledge and not just our egos.
The internet has proved that everyone has a point and a perspective and we are all desperate to get them across any way we can but everyone else is too busy doing the same so where does that all leave us? 6 Billion voices all screaming “listen at me!”.
I have even found this need to speak rather than listen has begun to dominate real conversation, not just cyber communication. It used to be the height of bad manners to interrupt someone but now that seems to be par for the course. Why wait for your turn when you can just steam roller over someone else’s chat? It seems to have become strangely acceptable to jump in at any point. Why wait till someone has finished? Its not like anyone’s actually paying attention…we’re all just trying to think of what to say next. Conversation has become strangely competitive. Rather than an exchange of information it seems like we are all in a constant fight for the podium.
The ability to listen seems to be rapidly diminishing along with our other neuro-skills previously mentioned so maybe human mental devolution is really happening. Planet stupid has officially arrived. Chris Morris’s eerily prophetic series Nathan Barley warned us of “The Rise of The Idiots” and it really feels that time is now upon us. We have all become Nathan Barley…now, that’s fucking scary. (see it if you haven’t).
Einstein (great with equations and quotes) described creativity as “intelligence having fun” and with a general drop in the intelligence bit all that’s left is plain dumb fun. And even without the dumbing down its still just humans using their brains to amuse themselves and hopefully others. Maybe, possibly, just a thought, we should all be doing something more constructive with our time…there do appear to be a few things that need dealing with…just this one more blog then I’m done…and you should maybe get on too..stop wasting your time reading what I have to say, but chances are you’ve already gone..my 38 seconds are most definitely up.
..hello? Anybody still there?
Babycakes Romero
The Allure of Filmmaking
It seems these days everyone wants to make films. Throw a rock in a Starbucks and chances are you’ll hit someone writing a screenplay. Throw it hard enough and it’ll be one less to worry about. Y outube has shown us the budding filmmaker in almost everyone. Michael Winterbottom’s film A Day in the Life, which consisted of compiled footage from people all over the world on a single day, demonstrated how widespread filming has become. Not that quantity always translates into quality. A quick trawl through the internet confirms that talent is not always apparent. But why does everyone want to do it? What’s driving the desire? It can’t just be to look cool and shout at people, can it? Not that looking cool and shouting at people isn’t enjoyable, of course, but there has to be more to it than that.
Maybe we should look at the “how” first. The answer, quite simply, is digitization. Back in the day, before the world turned digital, if you wanted to make a film you needed lots of people and lots of cash. I made my first short film in 1997. A one day shoot; a full crew. Cost: £5000.00. (Fortunately it was paid for by a production company who had optioned a screenplay I had written otherwise it wouldn’t have happened at all.) It sounds like a lot but that was actually a very reasonable budget for a 10 minute film shot on film (the processing alone was a couple of grand!). W e blagged favours for all the post-production costs (edit, telecine, sound etc.) otherwise it would have cost another £5000. There were about 30 people working on set when we filmed and to this day, I’m still not sure what a lot of them actually did. But in those days there was no other option. And then it all changed. Digital cameras and editing software became affordable and available and suddenly you could go and make a film for next to nothing and have everything you need without having to mount a massive operation at great expense. Sadly the film production company who had my script collapsed under the weight of the owner’s coke habit but I didn’t need anyone anymore … I could do it all myself, so I went off and shot a feature length film on a budget of 200 quid – just because I could.
Digitization brought freedom … and the death of the middle man. The middle man could be anyone that had the key to the cash that would ultimately fund your project. It could be a commissioning editor, a producer, a stupidly rich individual … whoever it was, you would have to get through them before you could get to anyone else. All power resided with them. And if you didn’t have an “in” you were very unlikely to even be able to get them to read your script, let alone get a meeting with them. As W oody Allen put it so perfectly: “Show business is not dog-eat-dog, it’s dog-doesn’t-return-other-dog’s-phone-calls.” The middle man is dead. Long live the creator! Ok, so he’s not quite dead. I know, he is still there and still commanding all the power at the top end of film production, but there is now a booming industry in self-generated films. The advance in camera technology, with machines such as the Canon 5d now available, have allowed filmmakers to go off and shoot cinema-worthy productions on micro budgets without needing the “green light” from a ‘suit’ .
Making up statistics as I go along, let’s assume that for every 1000 scripts written maybe one would be optioned, and for every 1000 scripts optioned maybe one would get made, and for every 1000 films made maybe one would find distribution. I know I have just plucked those figures from thin air, but you get the idea – the chances of anyone seeing your work was slim, at best. And yet now, with a simple click, you can upload your work to be seen by potentially billions.
I like the democracy of the internet. If a film is really good it will get passed around. If it isn’t, it won’t. Simple. Y outube and other web based platforms have allowed filmmakers access to viewing audiences that dwarf most TV and cinema box office figures. The only difference being that, no matter how successful your film is, the chances of you making any money from it are practically zero. But then you have to ask yourself: what you are doing it for in the first place? And so we come back to the “why” . What are you hoping to gain from it? If you want financial reward, the film industry probably isn’t the place to look for it. Y ou’re facing lottery odds. But if you want to produce films and get them to an audience without it costing you an arm and a leg, your time has come. Although I do have a suspicion that a lot of the drive comes from a desire for fame (everyone loves movies and wanting to be a part of that glamour is incredibly appealing in our celeb-led times)
I’d like to think that it’s ultimately about the need to express oneself. In the W erner Herzog film Cave of Forgotten Dreams they uncovered incredible 50,000-year-old cave paintings – a discovery that ably demonstrates how the creative urge has been in man from the very beginning. But I also think the “why” might stem from the fact that we are all seeing the world through different eyes and we feel the need to replicate our own perception in the hope that it will match others. It is a desire to connect … and not to feel so alone in our life experience. If you’re looking for a stint in the spotlight and the adoration of the public you’re probably making films for the wrong reasons. If fame and fortune are the be all and end all for you, go fuck a footballer.
And somewhere among all of this is me. Why am I doing it? What can I say? I feel the need. Do my delusions and desires fit into all the above categories? Most definitely. Do I have a better chance of “making it” than any of the other millions all trying to do the same thing? Probably not. However, I did recently come to the conclusion that the thing I had spent most of my adult life trying to become, I kind of already was. I just hadn’t really realised it. I am still making films and in the immortal words of the Dark Knight:“It’s what you do that defines you.”
Now, get me a skinny soy latte and get a fucking move on!
(This article features in the first ever edition of the magazine “Smack” and is on sale in Rococo’s in Notting Hill and also available on subscription. Please email info@smackonline.com for more details)
Films to watch whilst the world goes to hell in a hand cart
Some old guy died and he made the news for having seen the most films in a lifetime.…and he kept a film diary to prove it. I watch shitloads of films, I thought…I could do that. If only I had started when I was a kid I could have maybe have given this dead guy a run for his money. But rather than lament the ones that got away I started to jot down my viewership from that moment forward , grading all films seen with a 0-5 rating. I am frequently asked for film recommendations and as my memory is not always on hand to provide the required information I figured a list might be quite useful..
That was a year ago. In the last 12 months I have watched just over 200 films…both at home and at the cinema, old and new, first timers and return journeys. I have listed below any film that got a 4 or more (I have starred the ones that got a 5). I would describe all of them as simply “worth seeing”. A film experience can be crushed under the weight of expectation..every time someone bigs up a film beyond all measure you can be fairly sure it will disappoint…
“Oh my god, its like totally amazing…it’s the best film you will EVER see. It is just incredible..you are gonna LOVE it! I guarantee it!”
..but somehow despite the guarantee..you don’t. Mainly cos you spend the whole film going..is this the best film I have ever seen? I don’ think so..even if its great it still can’t match what your impossibly high expectation and is consequently a let down. Its like if you know a film has a great twist you spend the entire film trying to work it out. I actually avoid all reviews and trailers of films I know I want to see…I think the less you know about a film the better…and so I offer these recommendations with a modicum of restraint and have tried to not be overly effusive in my descriptions.
There is also the question of taste. This is indeed just my opinion. It may not be yours. I can’t possibly say that you will love what I love because everyone is different. It also depends how you are feeling at the time and whether you see a film in the cinema or on dvd, or on some dodgy file you downloaded. So I guess what I am politely saying is…don’t shoot the messanger..
I have also included the worst films (1 or less on rating system) I have seen as well as some are so bad they are almost worth seeing. I have to admit I probably watch as many bad films as good ones. I will even go as far as to watch a film just because I have heard it is so bad (revolver, swept away, battlefield earth etc). Strangely it is possible to really enjoy a truly awful film…you’re laughing at them rather than with them..(all bad films are essentially comedies despite their original intention) but you’re still laughing..which is more than can be said for most Hollywood comedies.
The lists are in no particular order other than the order I saw them in..
THE GOOD – lights out, no talking.
Goodbye Lenin – Cool commie comedy. Great premise. Beautifully shot.
Scott pilgrim vs the world – Underrated comic adaptation
Berlin calling – One flew over the cuckoos nest meets human traffic.
Evil Dead II * – Sam Raimi’s magnificent comedy horror. Spectacularly inventive.
Suspiria – Creepy kitch horror. The original black swan
Invasion of the body snatchers – Classic b movie 70s remake. Worth it for the Sutherland scream.
The Wave – Classroom experiment gets out of hand. Hyper-realistic drama
Atlantic City – Lancaster and Sarandon shine in Louis Malle’s superb gambling flick.
Four Lions – Chris Morris hysterically exposes modern terrorist hysteria.
I’m still here – Joaquin Phoenix delivers an incredible performance as himself..or is it? Discuss
Paranoid Park – Teen trauma perfectly captured in this atmospheric tale by Van Sant
Mr and Mrs Smith – Before becoming brangelina they were a cool as fuck assassin couple.
End of the Line – Scary doc about the collapse of the world fisheries.
Exit through the gift shop * – Magnificent mockumentary or documentary? ..you never can quite tell.
California split – A cool and funny Altman adventure from the 70s. He makes it look effortless.
The Social Network – Like this.
The Abyss – James Cameron puts everyone through hell…we get the benefits.
Army of darkness – One man and his chainsaw go on the rampage in medieval times. A joy to watch.
Poltergeist – Spielberg dishes up major frights in this hair-raising 80s horror.
Mash – More 70s Altman (had a mini season). Funny naturalistic satire punches much harder than tv show
Bladerunner * – The ultimate future vision. Faultless and inspirational.
Cronos – Highly original version vampire story by Guillaume del toro
The disappearance of Alice Creed – Low budget brit flick delivers thrills, twists and tension without leaving a room.
Fargo * – I was once accosted by a large bullish drunk man at a party who pointed his finger aggressively at my face and demanded to know..”The Coen brothers..like em or love em?” “Love! Love!” I retorted..which was apparently the right answer as he then hugged me and then chatted about the talented sibling duo…that’s how good they are.
A cock n bull story – Coogan and Brydon bring in the laughs in pre-cursor to The Trip.
Election – Two classic high scool films in one career..Matthew Broderick delivers again. Witherspoon was also never better as the relentless Tracy Flick
Ryan’s daughter – David Lean’s beautiful epic that was panned on release by idiot critics.
Monsters – Low budget monster flick with its own unique feel.
Peeping Tom * – Another masterpiece that was poorly received at the time, fuelled by the prudery of the era.
Martin – George A Romero’s brilliant unknown take on the Vampire genre.
Black Swan – Worth the hype. Scary, beautiful, tense as fuck.
The Reader – Gripping drama beautifully told
Machete – Nuns with guns. Killer nurses. blood, guts and Mexi-cans- Its exploitationtastic!
Young Frankenstein – still brings in the laughs after all these years. All time great parody.
The Medusa Touch – Richard Burton delivers omen style creepiness in this lesser known 7os horror.
Raising Arizona * – Like em or love em? Even in the very beginning there was cause for total adoration of the Coen bros. See Nicholas Cage before he was shite.
Westworld – Sci-fi classic. Genius premise brilliantly executed.
The diving bell the butterfly – Coma cam. Tough viewing but gripping true story
The Hunger – Bowie bites in this stylish vamp story from a young tony scott.
Severance – A great brit horror comedy. Funny and frightening throughout.
Sin Nombre – Gang life in South America. Brutal but beautiful.
Catfish – Facebook frenzy. A very modern fable for our times.
Winter’s bone – Original, gripping, atmospheric thriller. Tension without action.
Into the wild – Haunting and beautiful true travel story. What happens when you leave the modern world…
District 9 – Finally..a completely original new sci-fi. Corker.
Rubber – Killer tyre on the loose…I kid you not.
127 hours – Compelling despite its restricted set-up. Franco’s on a rock. Boyle’s on a roll.
The Misfits – Monroe and Gable lead this class affair directed by John Huston.
The Game – Early Fincher brings home another cracking thriller.
Encounters at the end of the world – The guy with the fingers, insane penguins, bucket heads..everything Herzog does is worth seeing.
Cave of forgotten dreams (3d) – Herzog (see what I mean?) brings understanding to the history of human creativity. Mental conclusion.
Another Year – Mike Leigh mines the trivial and banal obsessions of regular folk for poignant yet painful drama.
Animal kingdom – Disturbing Aussie crime story that never lets go of claustrophobic tension
Unthinkable – Gripping hardcore terrorist thriller that forces you to think for yourself.
The Driver – Cool 70s driving movie with Ryan O’Neil.
Black Dynamite – Seriously funny and very authentic parody of blaxploitation movies
The Class – A French classroom becomes a battleground. Everyone loses.
Submarine – A homage to films we don’t make anymore but definitely an argument for their resurrection.
Super 8 – Spielberg’s influence is all over this modern sci-fi but its all the better for it.
Enter the void – A modern mental masterpiece. Hardcore. Not for the feeble.
Rise of the planet of the apes – A reboot with a genuine purpose. Great addition to the franchise.
Lebanon – Tank cam. Submerses you inside the action. Makes The hurt locker look like Pearl Harbour.
The Skin that I live in – Can Almodovar do no wrong? A b movie with a killer punch.
THE BAD- I want those hours back!
Mega Piranha – Bad on all fronts. 80s wash up Tiffany sets the standard. Laughed throughout.
Sky High – Gives Superheroes a bad name. Gut wrenchingly bad.
The Expendables – Cringeworthy dialogue from washed up 80s stars full of surgery and steroids
Dreamscape – Inception stole its plot but the filmmakers lost the plot in this waste of space sci-fi with dennis quaid.
The dukes of hazard – Worse than you can possibly imagine and I imagine that’s quite bad.
Dorian Gray – Pitifully inept.
Deadfall – Features one of the greatest over the top performances by Nic Cage. Atrocious
The Box – Richard Kelly proves Donnie darko was a fluke. Piss poor.
Che – The most boring overlong film I have ever seen – and that was just part 1!
X-files – I want to believe – I want to forget.
Alien Autopsy – Good premise. Diabolical execution. Ant and dec star and aren’t the worst things in it!
Law-abiding Citizen – Gerard Butler is ridiculous in this excrutiating mess of a movie.
The A-team – So painful we had to switch off. Avoid like your life depended on it.
Prince of Persia – Miscast. Misdirected. Please miss.
Driven – An utter joke from start to finish..line. Stallone stinker.
Hell Ride – So unbelievably bad its kinda worth seeing. Worst dialogue ever (see fanboy spoofs on film page)
Tron Legacy – The worst of the reboots. Meaningless.
The Green hornet – Has no idea what sort of film it wants to be and fails at all of them.
Chronicles of Riddick – Vin diesel shows how to make a sci-fi stinker that is eye-wateringly shite.
Limitless: – A monkey could have done better with the reasonably decent premise.
THE UGLY – (not exactly recommendations..more like warnings)
The human centipede – Eye-watering. highly original. Scares galore. Definitely not for the faint-hearted.
Salo – Shocking, disturbing and fairly digusting. Not designed for a delicate constitution…
Hobo with a shotgun – vile and pretty repulsive throughout. Not a pleasant experience. It was supposed to be funny. It wasn’t.
and there you have it…if you’re looking for things to watch you could do worse…that’s all I’m saying.