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My drawings are ultimately created by mistakes. I never pencil first and never erase my errors, I instead let them guide me. If a line veers off in the wrong direction (which happens frequently as I draw very fast) I don’t give up and start again, I run with it, I shape it, I fix it, I mould it into something else. For example this illustration evolved because I fucked up her torso and had to give her a backpack to make it look right which then progressed into what you now see. In fact all these drawings emerged because I ended up trying to rectify a pen misfire. These finished products were never my intention as I never have one but I believe sub-consciously they were lurking in my brain and so what I tend to do is splice a few pen marks onto the paper and see if I can hoist out something from the depths of mind like a fisherman with a hook.

I truly believe it is our mistakes that make us the people we are, not our successes. Our fuck ups are what drive us to be better and so we should not live in fear of them happening, we should embrace them, welcome them, thank them for the opportunity to teach us and make us more than we were. And that is why I like to leave my mistakes in. This is why I would never personally want to draw with an ipad or whatever. I know you can get amazing results but everything comes out perfect..and who wants that?

Hope you’ve enjoyed this ink filled experience. This is actually going to my last drawing post as am feeling a lot better so gonna get back to my photography and hit the streets of Laandan town once more…normal service will resume!

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This is a drawing of a man who wants to win

I lost a sketchbook on a train recently, and all the drawings this week are reconstructions of the characters that disappeared with that book. I was upset at first as hate losing work but thought fuck it, I’m not going to mourn their loss, I’m just going to redo every one. My creations will live again! Mwah ha haaa!

And yet inevitably they all turned out completely different to how they were originally and instead new characters were born, which you now get to see. Is there a moral to this story? I feel like there’s one in there somewhere…let me know if you find it. And if anyone finds my sketchbook can you let me know too please?

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This is a drawing of a person with bad teeth but a good heart on a night out

If you wan to see it and can’t click of title of post

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This is a drawing of a suspicious looking man with a hat

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This is a drawing of a woman smoking a cigarette

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This is a drawing of a old rocker

C.O.P 47

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Some characters this week from the world of nightlife..ah, how I miss it so. The sights, the sounds, the smells, the people, the energy..they are all very different to their daytime counterparts. Everything just feels more exciting under cover of darkness and I know we were designed to rise with the sun and sleep when it’s gone but I always felt I only really came alive at night…but for now I have to be patient and know that one day or rather one night I will return…

For the record this is balloon head man. Born with a balloon for a head, born to party……

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A line up of ghouls, freaks and fiends this week in honour of Halloween & Day of the dead but also because my life is a lil bit of a horror show at the moment and these monstrous creations are undoubtedly a reflection of this. And it would appear the more unwell I am, the more I draw. And the more trapped I am in my body, the more my imagination soars. This has been a definite positive in a world of negatives.

Doing these illustrations and being able to share them here allows me to reveal what this experience is like. And am very grateful to have not only a creative way to express my frustration, anger and sadness but also to have receptive eyes and ears I can show my work to. I know you don’t really have a choice in the matter but I do really appreciate it.

I have called this series Back to the drawing board because in this seemingly never ending game of snakes and ladders I have slid back down the board and also because drawing was my first love and I am now back doing it again. It has become a bit of a lifeline and has got me through my darkest moments.

To have a way to off load this ongoing nightmare is also very useful as in the real world people really don’t want to hear how bad it is. All anyone wants to hear is that you are getting better and that’s it. As I have discovered all too frequently ‘how are you’ is the question that is asked more than any other but it’s the one question people don’t really want to hear the answer to.

If I meet someone on the street and they ask me how I’m doing and I tell them how shit I feel they always seem to respond with ‘well you look fine’ . I don’t blame them or expect anything, they just don’t know what to say. And yet it makes you feel like you have to pretend everything is ok when it categorically isn’t which just makes it worse. And it’s not really their fault because this is an illness that doesn’t show on the outside which is both a blessing and a curse.

I would like to say that, contrary to maybe what these images and words imply I am actually doing ok, so fear ye not. I’m just indulging in a bit of art therapy to get me through this. And as I ain’t got a whole lot else going on currently and can’t take photos this is all I got. …so please bear with…

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