All photos this week taken within a 1000feet of my home (yes my world is expanding). I never thought I would ever be able to live in a smaller place after living in London. It just seemed impossible to me. I was addicted to the hustle and bustle. I loved living in an anonymous ant colony, vast and sprawling, where everyday could take you to a part of the city you had never seen even though you were born and bred in it and spent most of your adult life there too. Not only was it huge but it was also densely populated and containing representatives of pretty much every single country, culture and continent on Earth which meant it felt like you were always travelling even though you never went anywhere. And it was relentlessly stimulating. An incessant stream of activity that stopped for no-one and I just loved the buzz that came with it.
And yet for the last year or so I have barely left my neighbourhood.And much of that time was spent within a single block or two of where I lived. A tiny bubble within this huge metropolis. And yet as I saw nothing beyond the confines of my postcode and it has been the equivalent of living in a tiny village. This has meant that I got to know a lot more of my neighbours which again made my life more resemble being in a small place where everybody knows each other.
It has given me a glimpse into a quieter existence, a more chilled paced of life. And it hasn’t been all bad. And even though I’ve been ill I’ve rather enjoyed it. But even still, I’m not sure I could live in a little spot in middle of nowhere because even though I have existed happily within a tiny area it is still inhabited by a huge range of varying ethnicities and a host of wonderful characters. It also has a vast array of tourists from other countries visiting. And that is what makes it interesting. It has been a very long time since I lived in a monoculture and I think I would now find that too weird after so many decades in this melting pot.
So maybe my current life is the best of both worlds. Although I am itching to get back on the tube. I know it sounds odd but I really miss it. Not rush hour obvs. I’m sure that’s still relatively hellish but I just loved disappearing underground and re-emerging in a totally different part of London. I know all you tube travellers are going..what the fuck is he on? Is he mad? And yes maybe I’ve forgotten what it’s like and have rose-tinted spex on but still..I can dream can’t I?
This guy picked an area with very little footfall when Portobello rd is only a few minutes walk away but I think he was a lil shy and maybe not quite confident enough in his skills to face the main thoroughfare..bless him. And I would be lying if I said he was an amazing bongo player but fair play to him for being out there at all..
Enticing, confusing, intriguing, amusing words on the street this week..all part of my ongoing series “r u talkin to me” as from a rather egocentric perspective feel like these found statements might be aimed directly at me…a sign from the universe, messages from above trying to subtly steer me towards an intended fate. And as they are situated within 300 foot of my flat I might just be right…
Can you see what I mean? Do I need a doctor? Are you the doctor thats going to cure me? How do I find you? This isn’t a lot of information to go on. Do you maybe have a name? Or a number I can call? Email?
And yes I do need to pace. I appreciate the reminder. Do I need to pace more? Is that what you’re telling me?
Obviously I know these messages aren’t really for me. I’m not completely deluded. The truth is it’s just chaos with self-imposed meaning. Just like everything else. Still its just nice to think we’re a lil bit spesh now and again right? And maybe the universe is looking out for us…I guess its a reassuring thought. A galactic guardian angel protecting us and guiding our every move. I’m just not sure about the logistics..
All photographs this week taken within my home in case you hadn’t noticed. Over the last year I have spent a gob smacking, eye watering, jaw dropping, nose shattering (ok u get the gist) amount of time indoors. Like 99%. And within these walls I have been able to do very little physically or mentally so the bulk of that gargantuan piece of time pie has been spent staring into space. Major Babycakes to ground control…check the sofa, stereo on…
The only thing I’ve been able to do to pass the time is listen to music. I would be dead without music. My constant companion. My mood regulator. My daily joy injection. There are some people with my condition who can’t even listen to music because they are too sound sensitive so I am truly grateful and something I never take for granted.
Once you have been housebound for an extended period of time you never take anything for granted again..and being stuck inside this comfy prison I find myself more with gratitude for the things I have than disappointment for the things I don’t. It’s warm. It’s comfortable, I have high ceilings, I have good food and there is no chance of being shivved. I also have an amazing warden (with benefits).
A very close friend of mine is going thru extreme cancer treatment at the moment and is also full of gratitude for what she has as oppose to just focussing on the relentless shit show she is dealing with. We share a similar outlook and this is not a coincidence. The more you suffer the more you to appreciate life. The more you endure the hard shit the more you can enjoy the good shit. Unless you start a pity party for yourself. That’s the only thing you cannot do. So the hardships everyone is desperate to avoid will actually bring them what they are endlesssly seeking..true happiness which is happiness that does not require anything other than what you already have.
When everything is taken away from you, careers, friendships, pursuits, lifestyle choices..all the things you think made you you, you would think you would somehow cease to exist, or that you will be a less of a person but when they are all removed you are still you. In fact, you are more you because you realise that all these externals are not the things that define you. Without anything you are already everything you need to be. I feel more me now than I ever did and I require no outside validation to prove it.
This perspective is priceless. Would i have chosen to have four years of my life taken up with a chronic debilitating illness with a barrage of symptoms day and night to get it? Of course not, im not a fucking masochist! However i now choose to focus on what it has given me rather than what it has taken away. Eckhart Tolle in the Power of now (which am currently audiobooking) states with every moment “act like you choose it” and I love that. It stops you being a victim. It empowers you.
Don’t get me wrong, its been a fucking slog. And there were days when I thought I would lose my mind. And yet here I still am. I still exist. Nothing can take that away from me..well apart from death obviously..that’s a given..but until then Major Babycakes is chuffed to be alive, sitting on a rock floating in space around a giant fireball in an area so vast it apparently has no end. And the stars look very different today…
All shots this week taken within a 300 foot radius of my home and the only connection between these people is their geographical proximity to me. I am blessed as I have amazing characters living on my doorstep. Not literally obvs, they wouldn’t all fit on but it means that even covering the small distance I am currently capable of means that I will invariably see someone who I think is worth photographing. And bear in mind I see many more than I actually take pictures of but aren’t always able to get the shot.
A lot of times I think that I should maybe just leave these people to go about their day but then I see an incredible characterful face or some visual configuration that I just can’t let it go and feel compelled to capture them. To what purpose? I don’t really know. I guess I’m just an aficionado on the human form in all of its incarnations and like a butterfly collector I want to somehow preserve their magnificence.
And without these great local folk in my immediacy I wouldn’t have much to put in this blog so that’s a touch. So please bear with whilst I have this terrain restricted service..hoping for some greater capacity soon…
